Wow, it's been a long time. I guess I've just been busy, and stressed, and stuff. I'll probably write something about what I've been up to later, because there's been a lot. But right now, I'd like to remind you of my summer goal of painting my room. That didn't happen. And I can't come up with any way to rearrange stuff because my room is, like, ridiculously small. So that's what's on my mind at the moment, anyways.

I also just finished watching all three seasons of American Horror Story, first on Netflix, and then on Megashare. Opinions: The first season was kind of adorable, like the whole love story thing, and how it was creepy but not so creepy that it was gross. The second season was ridiculous, like it was just kind of terrifying, and I don't think that I really liked it very much. The third season was definitely interesting. It was nice how the characters were a bit more in control of their situation, I think.

So that's it for now, I guess.

Bonsoir, mes chéris. A bientot!

So sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. I've been kind of busy between school, and homework, and tennis games and practices.

So before I get into anything important, I'm going to talk about the weather. Because that's kind of what I do.

Right now, it is unreasonably cold for summer. Like, it is about 55 here right now. But it doesn't ever go higher than 65 during the day. So last night at the football game, I was sitting there, shivering in jeggings, Uggs, a sweatshirt, gloves, and earmuffs. It was BAD. (And we also lost pretty awfully, so that was bad too.)

Last night I stayed at my friend Faith's house. She used to go to theater camp with me, but she couldn't come last summer because of a schedule issue, and I can't go to camp anymore because I'm ancient. So, about Faith. She's a freshman, but she's 13 right now, because she skipped a grade. I think that's a little funny, because most of my friends aren't that young, but she's a really fun person.

But anyway, what I really wanted to make this post about was my new playlist for September so far. It only has 9 songs, but it's only about halfway through September, so... it'll probably expand a little. But these songs are kind of most of my life right now X)

1. Angel in Blue Jeans- by Train
2. Centuries- by Fall Out Boy
3. Come With Me Now- by KONGOS
4. I Just Wanna Run- by The Downtown Fiction
5. Love Don't Die- by The Fray
6. Love Runs Out- by OneRepublic
7. Lovers on the Sun- by David Guetta featuring Sam Martin
8. Pompeii- by Bastille
9. The Walker- by Fitz & The Tantrums

So that's it for right now, but I hope everyone had a great summer, and enjoys the fall!

Fun fact: I am so very very tired right now. And I have homework. Some of which is ridiculously complicated. So I need to be completely alert to do it. And I will not be.

Also, sometimes when I'm really tired I forget to breathe. Which is also unfun.

So today, something funny happened. I also think it is ironic that in this case, starting off with that would seem like an excuse in the context, as this thing which happened caused me to be unable to do my homework. (Imagining a conversation as "Well why didn't you do your homework?" "It's a funny story...") But in this case the story is actually funny, at least to me.

So I had just finished reading my daily pages in the Scarlet Letter, when I closed my eyes for a moment and accidentally slept for an hour. When I woke up, it took me twenty minutes to start thinking clearly (meaning not in the dazed way in which someone who suddenly wakes up but is still tired thinks). So, of course, I could not start my homework, which of course would take longer than the ten minutes that I had left before I had to go to bed.

I will be fine, this homework isn't due until the 5th, but I was supposed to work on it, because our teacher has been warning us against procrastination. I will definitely need to start working hard tomorrow, though. The problem is that at the same time, our teacher has assigned us two other things, one being to read the Scarlet Letter by the 12th, and the other being the same sort of assignment as the one which I suppose I am currently procrastinating: a précis, where one analyzes an article, finds and asks questions, and writes a summary.

And then, of course, I have my other classes on top of that. But the only homework I really get is in French.

Kind of still tired, so I'm going to bed. Goodnight

The school week is over and I'm so exhausted and it's kind of depressing knowing that this is what I have to look forward to for the rest of the year. But today, I'm going to the outdoor YMCA with my girl scout troop, and I'm just going to relax and read and maybe swim a little. So yeah. And this past week I turned 15. I thought that might be important to mention. But because I got my iPhone as an early birthday present in July, I only got a pedometer and some gift cards for this birthday. So it kind of made my birthday un-special.  (Although, I'm just saying, my brothers got iPhones, and also everything else that they normally would have gotten for a birthday. But whatever. It's not like I want to be the favorite or anything.) And also we couldn't even celebrate it on the same day as my birthday because for the first time ever in the history of my birthdays, school had already started, and thus girl scout meetings had started, and I had to go to a stupid meeting where the mothers of children talked and wouldn't let anyone else say anything and they brought up the concerns of their daughters, but because NO ONE ELSE could say anything, I didn't get to bring up my concerns, and neither did half the troop, AND I HAD TO SIT THROUGH THIS CRAP INSTEAD OF CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY.

So, um, yeah. Not the best birthday ever. And also, I was going to have my birthday party today, but because they wanted to have this thing today, I couldn't, because the few people from the troop that I would invite would come to my birthday, and most of the people going to this thing would be offended, and SOMEONE would start drama, because all they live for is drama. And I don't have a free week-end until the middle of September-ish. So.

I'm a bit bitter right now. Excuse me.

So I'm in school now. And I'm sick. Not having the best time ever. 

6 Days. I don't know what comes next.

I got my chromebook for school today. Our school is trying this thing where they give everyone a chromebook, and force everyone to pay $60 or else they can't participate in any school activities such as sports, commencement, or dances. Which is kind of stupid. But whatever, I can deal with it.

I'm honestly not a big fan of the chromebook, because it doesn't have Microsoft programs, or a hard drive, and I really just don't like using Google docs. But it's for school, and I kind of have to deal with it.

School starts in five days. I'm really not looking forward to it.

The first tennis match of the season is tomorrow, which is exciting. The un-exciting thing, however, is that I probably won't get to play, because I'm #8 on the Varsity lineup, and only three singles games and two doubles games, with a total of seven players, count. But I'm first singles on JV, so it won't be a bad season at all.

I'm sad. I'm just so sad. Because apparently I'm a disappointment, and the reason this family is falling apart, and I just cause every single problem. Which isn't true. But when she says things like that, and calls me stupid and not good enough, I do feel like I'm not good enough. I try to talk to her about that but whenever I say anything about how I feel like that, she thinks I'm calling her a bad parent, or that I'm too sensitive and need to get over it. So I'm really sad, and I don't know any other way to say how much I just want to go away, and I just really want someone to care.

And this day had been going pretty well. But now I'm worried about every part of it. Did I look crappy in my tennis pictures? Do the girls on varsity think I'm annoying? Will those chips I had make me gain weight? I was honestly doing so much better, and I was actually hopeful about everything. But I guess that's over now. 

Okay, that shopping trip was super duper awesome. I got stuff from Forever 21, H&M, Bath & Body Works, and Dick's. I got a dress, a button-up, some $8 jeans, and a sweater at F21, a sweater at H&M, a candle for my mom (vanilla chai) and some hand sanitizers for me at B&BW, and some sports bras for tennis at Dick's. That was pretty successful, I think. 

Okay so the best camp ever and the highlight of my summers for the past four years just ended. We had our final show, and performed our dance which me and my friends (but, ahem, mostly me) choreographed. I already miss everyone. So. Much. I probably won't see most of these people ever again. Because I have officially "graduated" from camp. And also, the director announced that they are not doing a show again, even if they have camp again next year. So everything has changed now, and it's so sad.

Today I'm going shopping with my friend Brooke, because Ashley cancelled on me (again. For unclear reasons. Obviously I'm still a little miffed. Oh, and she didn't think to tell me this until yesterday. So yeah.) But anyway, me and Brooke are going to the mall in Mentor. To be honest, it is so hard to shop at the mall. Because most of the stores that have actual good clothes don't have anything that fits me. (I'm kind of really tall.) So that's annoying. But I'm still going to find stuff. Probably from Maurice's or H&M. Whatever. This fall, I kind of want a jean jacket. Like, something to be warm in and still look okay. Because I have loads of ratty sweatshirts, but I can't wear those a bunch.

In other news, I got a haircut. So that's going to be fun to do stuff with.

This is (from left to right) Emily, Ashley, and me performing our dance at the show.


https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=341289819360358&set=vb.100004380275822&type=2&theater

That's the link to the video, because I couldn't save it from Facebook to my computer.

 

And here is a picture of me and my short hair.

As for my countdown, I don't really care what the future brings right now. I just can't stop thinking about how it's all over. Theater camp, and the show, and my friends from camp. I might never see these friends again. I might never visit theater camp because they may not have it again. It's all just, gone.

I'll post more videos from the show later, including Thriller, and the Purple People Eaters dance that Ashley and I choreographed.