12 days to the second day of school, and also an awesome birthday balloon which I have been promised.

Update: She didn't give me a balloon. And also didn't wish me a happy birthday. Because she forgets everything about me, unless it has something to do with her. She was probably preoccupied by the fact that she's "officially" going out with the boy who is my friend who was also her ex-boyfriend who has been flirting with her all summer, and who was always complaining to me about how she wouldn't go out with him, and who I had to keep reassuring that it would all be fine, and she told me that she would never go out with him again, and he just kept being miserable, and uuuuugh. But she was also flirting with him the whole time, which led him to think that they would go out, and all summer he was miserable because they weren't dating and he was kind of mad because she kept leading him on, and with all of this I was just exhausted, and now I kind of feel like she is cruel and he is a pushover, because even after all of what she put him through, he would still go out with her again. But whatever. I'm dropping this whole thing. I don't have the time for this now.

13 days to possibly a cat (Oh gosh I hope so)

14 days to new goals

16 Days to Something New

I'm so happy that I don't have to be like anyone else. I don't have to be girly, or happy, or chatty, or hairstyle/makeup obsessed, or energetic, or outgoing, or texting my friends all the time. I can just be me, and no one can expect anything else.

 

I guess I'm kind of optimistic right now. Because it's still summer. Because we finished choreographing the dance I was worried about. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tj9XlfXC4gU .

 

Because things are better than they were yesterday. I don't know. Maybe I just care less. People will think things about me. They can do that. That's them. And if they're mean to me because of what they think of me, the only fault is in them.

 

Because school is coming. But I can't change that. And even though school is sometimes very stressful for me, and I sometimes hate it, it is still coming, and it will come. Maybe it won't be so bad. And sometimes I like the challenge.

 

And tennis is starting. And even though we have very few games this season, that was never really the point. The point was my teammates, and the way we cheered each other on, and the way we said crazy things on the bus coming back from an away game at 8:00 at night from exhaustion.

 

And my theater camp play is coming. And we aren't ready. But I can only do my best, and that's what I will do. And besides, we have a whole week left. Anything could happen.

 

And a lot of what I ever worried about was all in my head. These things haven't happened yet, but here I was, ruining them, ruining any chance I had to enjoy them. Why did I do that.

 

16 days to something new.

Watching old TV shows and eating some chocolate. This is my kind of night.

Right now is really weird. Because I kind of just want to sleep and eat. Because it's Sunday and I don't have anything to do and I'm just tired and hungry and all that. But I never could go to sleep again after I woke up, and I just ate lunch and I really shouldn't even be hungry right now. So yeah. I really should do something today.

Another installment of The Type of Person I Hate:

Type 4: The Low-Appetite Showoff

The kind of person who can have just fruit for breakfast, or a salad for lunch, and be full. The kind of person who does not have to think about food all the time, and isn't hungry all the time. This isn't so much a person I hate as a person I am jealous of. If you are this person, I can definitely still be friends with you. But when this kind of person is very "look at me and how little I'm eating" as opposed to just eating all that fruit and salad stuff, that's when I get really annoyed. Like, when these people literally always talk about what they've eaten that day, or more realistically, what they haven't. I just don't get it.

Why do people think they can be mean and get away with it?

I wish that the words didn't hurt like they do.

Ugh. The thunder is shaking the floor and the lights are flickering. Another flash flood warning. It was hailing on the way home, but it stopped. This is ridiculous though. It's summer. We are not living in a rainforest. It is supposed to be sunny!

So my mom just called me stupid. Again. Because I "couldn't find the Gogurt which has been in the same place for months". I wasn't even looking for Gogurt. And she won't apologize because she thinks she's done nothing wrong. I told her it makes me feel crappy when she says that, but she's just like, "I can't help how you feel." Well, if you insult someone, your goal is obviously to make them feel like crap, so...

I really don't need this right now. I have a day ahead of doing boring stuff, and then when I'm done with that, some exhausting stuff that needs to be finished today but because I have to work with people who have to argue everything probably won't be finished today, or will end up being crappy.

And I had to wake up at 7 after staying up late last night because my mom guilted me into helping her unload garage sale stuff at a sale ten minutes away. And she knows that I won't be able to go back to sleep, and also that it takes me at least an hour to fall asleep every night, and that I went to bed at like midnight. So yeah. 6 hours of sleep, and an exhausting day ahead. I don't even drink coffee, so there's nothing I can do.

I just want to be done with today.

If I was gone, where on earth would you get your sense?

This sentence pretty much sums up why my friends keep me around. ;)

Just some thoughts